Bad Dreams

Last night I'm pretty sure I had a series of stressed dreams.
The one I remember and that kept going through my mind after I woke up was of me and a group of college kids sitting in the grass in front of the girls dorm (there was no slope down the hill in front, was flat and grassy) then two people, the dean of the college and Dr. W, climbed out a top window of the dorm and onto a little half foot ledge and started inching around the building.

I looked up but wasn't really worried too much and just joked to the person saying, "Hey now why can't we do that?" and then he started showing off! All jumping and skipping on the tiny ledge then he dropped like he was going to do a push-up but as he went to pop back up, he somehow bounces off the ledge and fell to the ground where his body hit the ground "bouncing" once! As he was falling, my mind screamed no as I "knew" that this was for real and not just a dream he'd wake up from.... When he hit the ground I screamed and started crying and and yelling at the students, "Father! Father!" my voice in that horrible slow motion state where you can't move and your voice isn't even there. They ran to Dr. W, but I couldn't make myself even look at him; I couldn't believe I'd seen him fall to his death.

And that was how I still felt when I woke up! Bad feeling.

Crazy dream eh? And that was just as my alarm went off and I had been in a half asleep dream.... I hate when they feel real. Last weekend I woke up crying/not being able to breath and kept crying for a few seconds until I realized it was just that I was dreaming and that the people I "saw" were not actually real, they were from a movie I'd seen....

Can We Save the Planet?

Through all the news and such over the past few years, we've constantly heard that the earth is being depleted and that the oceans are "dying" as the plant life is dying. The scientist tell us that WE have to save the planet ...and then God strikes again! :-) The article below made me smile at God's sense of humor. Or at least He made me laugh ;-)


Austalian Dust Storms Cause Life Explosion

 

Dusty City | Discovery News Video

 

Oct. 7, 2009 -- The red dust storm that dumped thousands of tons of soil across eastern Australia two weeks ago has caused an explosion in microscopic life in Sydney Harbor and beyond.

Researchers analyzing the impact say the finding validates plans to increase fish stocks to feed some of the world's poorest people using ocean fertilization.

All you wanted

The soundtrack when I woke this morn...

"How was I supposed to know
She was slowly letting go?
If I was putting her through hell,
Hell I couldn't tell.

She could've given me a sign
And opened up my eyes
How was I supposed to see?
She never cried in front of me."

It was for the first time
That I'd seen her eyes cry'n.
A smile alive on her face,
E'en her eyes gave no trace;
Her mind so well trained
The smile never feigned.
But what I didn't know,
Her heart wasn't full' aglow;
Oh but how could it be
When it yearned to love thee?!
Thrown to the wayside
Shunned from her monther's side!
For you my heart broke,
And wished I hadn't spoke.
Ah now I know why on the phone,
There's silent sadness to your tone.

Jealousy is not something I experience so much...

There have been only a few times in my life that I've become speechless.... It has only been with my closest friends, and it just came to me that perhaps I am speechless because I am content with them being themselves, with me being myself. I am content with our friendship and nothing could make me happier but to see them.

If I am thinking beyond that moment of happiness, then obviously I wasn't so happy that my whole being was filled. That's my theory anyhow. Lol. My mind has a bent towards the serious, for sure, and solving problems. But imagine, there are times when I know I'm safe from criticisms from "friends" about how I need to do this and not be so serious and blah blah, which are needless. Yes, times when we both know and experience things the same way that we both are content to hold the moment.

Hope...

"Hope in life ... comes outta nowhere ... Maybe some day it can be summoned :)" ~The Cass

A few weeks ago, I told someone something I'd never really said out loud.... Their one line of reply right before they passed out asleep was a bit of a blow to me. I know feelings and such change all the time....and what I think might change...I think it will, it's just a matter of "learning" about it....

But anyhow, that one little sentence hit me really hard...I felt a certain hope inside of me die. Even though I've a sick feeling in my gut that I'll never get to experience that, I have this little hope in my soul that God will help me learn what I need to. But with those words that night...that little flame of hope died. I turned over and lay staring into the night and the beginning of a dark night for my soul....

After that night I was stressed out a lot about everything. I started getting really tired and could hardly stand and stay awake for work. Hardly had the energy for anything...and yet I still wasn't admitting what was quietly stressing me out. I almost asked God for a txt to give me hope. Lol. I know that sounds really cracked.

I went to bed way early Thursday night...almost falling asleep just driving home. Slept pretty well but my eyes were still burning when I woke up. I was standing in the kitchen getting some breakfast ready, trying to not to remember how quiet and alone it felt in the silence of the house. when I heard the familiar sound of a txt message alert from my phone.

I wondered who it'd be so early in the morning... I didn't recognize the number but opened the txt and read it. "Hey sweetie you doing okay? Have a great weekend from Hounie @ MMI." It wasn't meant for me, but somehow, somewhere inside, it brought something alive in me. It gave me a hope somehow. I told them and we started chatting a little. It really made my day, and for once, at the end of the day, I was still happy and felt alive. I wasn't even tired and it had been a long day.

Thank God for a stranger named Hounie and a wrong number :-)

...and so my belief is, God txt me that day :-)

Summer Always Turns to Winter

We met in June, beginning of summer.
I didn't ask about your past, youth doesn't care.
We seemed to get along well enough,
Until I found you cared for me, and I for you.

In that first month we were always together
In the summer sun, with a few friends,
Under the stars, in the water, on the trails.
Ah youth in summertime, we were inseparable.

Then, almost of nowhere you showed you cared,
I had been oblivious until that letter came.
I was then at camp, you in another place.
How was I to know you'd grown a little fond?

But then, mid July, things started to change,
I saw you cared and was amazed,
I didn't know I cared, finally told you that.
Youth was broken, your childhood resurrecting.

Perhaps we both felt lost to degrees,
But as you ran for safety of childhood, I stood alone.
I came around quite often thinking, hoping
That youth was not so fragile, not only childhood strong.

By August we started seeing more our differences.
I saw them and tried to keep a smile.
You saw, tried to deal, and your heart started moving on.
Youth, it is so whimsical, childhood sees deeper.

Mid August the days grew colder,
We didn't see each other much anymore.
Youth is restless, I needed more activity;
Youthful friends don't last, only childhood persists.

I thought that we'd get back together,
And yet when summer came again,
We had outgrown youth and our friendship.
Youth matured to adult; only childhood friends remained.

Epilogue:
I found myself lost and alone at summer end,
Struggling through the winter months
But when June came again, youth was no more,
I was an adult they said.

As an adult, I have a hope
That adults and children are strong and true.
Youth is fickle, will my adulthood hold strong?
Please don't tell me, if I am wrong.