The Stage

On a stage of glorious gold I bowed
As I gaze out over the crowd,
I see few that really know me;
For the rest, it's lies they see.

 I stop and wish with all my soul
The curtains would close not just a lull,
Alas, it is a no the fates do say.
Not an ending to this, my play.


I pray I do not move fates hand
Bringing an end to notes of the band.
But oh the peace of silence once the crowd dies down
And the curtain drops, the sounds it drowns.

It's all a dream, it's all a play,
Wait, no, it's not merely this they say.
But oh I wish that this were true
I'd take a bow, not end on cue.

Little Dragon

A timid little dragon perched upon the rocks
Longing for a day his heart feels no locks.
Uncountable thoughts his wings fold
Lighter dragons dance over fields of gold
He knows their hearts must be content and soft;
Actions so sure and smooth they float aloft.


Sabishii used to frolic with flocks of others,
But after many flights and still no true brothers
He lost heart and the ability of flight.
There's no replacement for family at night,
But he did long to share life's hue
With another dragon of his color blue.


Thus it was unexpected when a dragon midnight blue
Alighted eyes beckoning, he saw that hue.
Trust burst in, opening Sabishii's heart
His wings unfolded, opening t' life's art.
Now Sabishii soars thru sunsets brilliant pink
Beside a new brother as the sun winks.

Brightness of the Night Sky

I stand alone, I am a barren land,
You're a star somewhere in the sky.
You once descended and touched my heart
So closely it was a fusion of star and earth.
We danced for days on end smiling at the Sun,
But oh, what happened to us now?

You're back among the stars while I gaze from afar.
You're dancing and sparkling ah so fair,
Smiling and laughing skipping on the planets. 
I'm left alone, quite forgotten by the star,
The land more barren, burned by the brightness of a star.

But perhaps the star is misunderstood.
You burn so brightly, I can see my way by your brightness.
Is it only to blind those less brilliant from the scars?
Is it so that you blend with the sea of stars?
It seems the Sun is starting to notice,
It's as if the Sun awaits the day you come close to Him,
Perhaps you were meant only to shine for Him,
I hope one day you do.

Painted Perfect

All the dolls say the China doll has it best.
She lives a perfect life, they know it is blest.
All say with her smile, no one can compete.
She's always so strong, she never sees defeat.
All see her beauty and know her heart is light.
She's always so content, her life is pure delight.

However somethings a China doll cannot share.
Things that other dolls are not aware.
But she can't tell them, they wouldn't care.
Instead she cries softly, "God, why's this my fair?"
While trying to stay grounded and not to despair.

Her life is not perfect, but a struggle every day.
Smiles are feigned, but kept there anyway.
Her strength is waning, she can't keep up the fight.
A heart with few joys, it is heavy, not light.
If they'd look closely, peering behind the fan,
The other dolls would see she's a tearful Raggedy Ann.

I woke up on the wrong side of this weekend

Last weekend...seems so far gone now...one of those unreal weekends where you wake up and it was a dream. That Friday night of news and blur of a Saturday when you passed out at 8pm and where did Sunday go?  It was one of those weekends where your world stops but flies by all at the same time. You're in a daze, disbelieving. Nothing is real, but everything is real, too real. You feign an outer calm or, at best, anger, but inside you're torn apart and, when no one's around, you cry...and almost wreck because you can't see through the tears. 

Friday night was long, though bearable with a friend being there all night...only 4hrs sleep, but I had to get away. Barnes & Nobles afforded some distraction and a caramel machiatto...but I couldn't focus on the book I'd brought, the scenes playing in my mind weren't of Louisiana and a 20yr old mystery coming to light...rather they were of me convincing someone I love to move from home with me. But after less than a year, they left here with less than a week's notice, in itself, that hurt...I'd sit blaming myself for everything..."maybe if I'd done more things, gone out more, did fun things..." I'd have to stop my thoughts and look back to the soft yellow pages of the book that couldn't hold my imagination captive. 

I know it's not my fault, but I can't help but feel that way sometimes, it takes almost a physical effort not to think it.

Last weekend was not cool. Monday morning, as if to top off a particularly rough weekend, I had some rude and mean customer right after 8am. I just laid my head down in defeat, wishing deep within that it was Friday and none of the weekend was real and even heard myself saying "I woke up on the wrong side of this weekend...."

This whole week, starting from last Friday, has been really hard...and I'm not sure what made it hurt the most...my sister getting snappy with me which made me cry, or when I momentarily talked to my mom and she sounded exhausted with life... :-/

Random Rant :-P

I don't think I suffered any repercussions due to my parents letting us go trick or treating and dressing up as harmless things on Halloween...princesses, army men, cats, teachers....

I like the holiday, I actually like October because of it, always holds happy memories :)
I don't have anything really philosophical, but I do agree with this guy... People nowadays really do make too big of a deal about Halloween and twist the meaning. Really, if Catholic parents are being Catholic parents, then their children will grow up learning what Halloween means and will not be warped children.

Once again, it seems to come down to the ever more present fact that Catholics seem to be falling away more and more often from teaching their children about the great feasts of the Church which are dappled all over our calendar, the calendar that the world uses. That's just it, the majority of Catholic parents have become so worldly, that they make the minority tend more towards Jansenism as they do not want to resemble the lax in any way...but the more traditional Catholics go too far all to often, in my opinion.

The traditional Catholics start shutting down where they should be opening up, like in true charity and trying to be friendly with "bad" Catholics to be a good example. Unfortunately, the "good" Catholics ignore and refuse to look at or talk to Catholics who have had the misfortune of falling down.... When really, they should be open to talking to those poor souls, being friendly to them, inviting them over into a good atmosphere. When we don't, that's when we, so called, traditional Catholics, who claim to be better, start becoming as the worldlings who do not want to be "marked" for associating them. No, I'm not suggesting that we go into the fallen souls world, bring them into our world so they can see we are not rejecting them, that we are willing to help and only wait for them.....