Stuck in my head at the moment is Daniel Powter's Bad Day.... I know I often start singing a song I haven't heard in a long time when deep down it's what I feel like, but other times it has to do with something someone asks me. Why do people sometimes ask if you've had a bad sad day when you're pretty sure ya didn't do anything to make it look like it was bad, and in fact it wasn't bad? I don't know the answer to that, but I do know for myself, that when people put ideas out there about me, I start thinking, "Do I? Am I?" and I shouldn't be asking.... I haven't had a bad day since the first weekend of this new year, 2010.
My life is pretty much on a track that I'm loving, though I will admit this: I am struggling with one-two thoughts.... At the moment, I don't really care for the thought of getting married and the parentals really seem to be pushing at that thought lately...and then I really don't want to get old and be alone, but still, if the husband died first, which men don't statistically live as long as women, I'd be alone anyhow, so really, perhaps nothing to lose there.
I just can't decide if this conflicts with ideas I've held...I'm completely changed many thoughts, opinions, even some personality, character, temperament changes, and I'm loving it completely. But I almost feel guilty about it. Why? Yeah, well, I guess that has to do with the parentals and wondering what they'll think of my life choice... and... how these all effect my faith...my religion. I'm loving me, but I want to know, will it help me to love God more?
I struggle with that last thought...but perhaps that's just the devil playing with me since I'm so happy now and not particularly focused on me, I have time to focus on things outside of myself now. For the past three years I've felt aimless, I have been aimless, no direction, no desire for anything in life. Now it's like I've been completely reborn. I've been given a new life with all the options and upgrades I've ever wanted and I thank God for it.
I am happy every day now
